Sunday, August 10, 2008


It was strong. It was blinding. And before I knew it, it was swallowing me whole. I once read that the pain it caused was like trying to put together a broken glass- it leaves you bleeding trying despite the glaring truth that it cannot be fixed at all.

I found myself being slowly broken into a million pieces. I cried countless times. I wished repetitively on every first star I saw at night on how much I wanted to bring back everything the way it was. But there was as if a mighty opposing force that allowed me to be totally devastated…and lost…and be in such a pathetic state.

It was so intense that I thought I could not get free from it. It was short, yet it left a seemingly lasting mark. Starting all over again was a distant idea that seemed untranslatable into reality.

I was told I could get over it and that it would all get better in time. And in my heart I wished the same. I was thinking, sure I’m smart and I’m capable of doing a million things. I’ve got a lot of friends who would back me up in desperate times. And so as the years passed, I tried to live with the few pieces of me that were left.

Those pieces were exposed to a huge deal of opportunities to be fused back together and even to multiply and be whole again. I am grateful for every chance I got to learn how to be matured enough to handle myself not just in my profession but more importantly in my inmost being.

From a self-engrossed person who cared only about my own hurts and bitterness about how the world betrayed me, I was called to do greater and more meaningful things. That mighty opposing force who seemed to have dumped me into that pit was also the same force who faithfully led me into a life I never tasted before.

Looking back I realized a very important truth in my life. The grip of that relationship, the very thing that I once embraced with all my heart, was also the very thing that held me back from becoming the person I am designed to be. And I never imagined I am much more than what the past had instilled in me.

It was never fun having to endure the pains of the past. Had nobody even cared to take me out of there, I would’ve been locked into nothingness. But somebody did care. Somebody poured out his love for me without question…without condition. Somebody showed me the brilliance of the future. That was the hope I learned to hold on to, the most wonderful gift that had finally set me free.